The day I realized God is watching.

SO this weekend has been filled with its share of smiles and aggravations.  We will start with the bad then end with the good.  So the loser that my kid’s mom is pregnant by has shown his true colors AGAIN.   Charlie Brown was supposed to get some people to help Kansas move into a new home.  These are some people that are "professionals" and do this type of thing for a living.  Now this was supposed to happen on Wednesday morning, but didn’t happen due to one of the workers getting sick.  Now here it is Sunday and Kansas has to get people from her job to help her move and Charlie Brown supposedly helped.  Now if there was suppose to be two people to get her moved in the first place then why did Charlie Brown take the place of the sick one and get the other to help.  To me this would have solved two issues, one Kansas would not have had to pay someone from her job to help, and second she would have had her things moved earlier.  This right there shows ME how full of shit he is.  If he had already had someone PAID do to a job but they flaked for one reason or the next why did she have to pay someone else to do the job, or at the least why did she have to worry about getting someone to help at all.  I fell that he should have had someone get the job done himself and she shouldn’t have had to worry about a thing.  Well once again, a loser will always be a loser.  

Now for the good things, I had someone close to me get married this weekend.  It was fun and crazy at the same time.   I am one of those people that will always be there for anyone that needs my help, and this weekend that attribute was put to the test.   I had to sacrifice many things this weekend for this wedding including my health, (ill explain later), my truck, my relationship, and some cloths, but in the end I would do it all over again because that is the type of person that I am.  Also, because all the smiles, laughter, and tears that were shed this weekend were totally worth any disposition that I might have felt.  Truthfully I was happy to do it all, and I would do it again and again, with less pain next time.  

So as promised here is the story on how my health was placed at risk.  I was asked to help take some food to the reception hall  for the wedding.  Sounds like a simple task right, NOT FOR ME.  I swear if my life was simple and not filled with.......spice, I would have to kill myself.  Let me help paint the picture for you.  I go to meet Monkey Butt at the house where the food was cooked.  I walk up and start talking to Monkey Butt and get the 411 on what food needs to go and things like that.  I find out that I need to cut some of the brisket that is going to be served at the reception, and also I will need to take it to the hall.  So there I am with my knives and I am cutting brisket with no problem.  Next me and Monkey Butt load everything into the pans for transport when we have a revelation, we need to take the juice that the brisket was cooked in so that we can make sure that it is not too dry for the wedding guest.  So we devise a plan, we will put the juice into the deepest pot we can find and take it that way. Fast forward and now we have loaded all the food that we need to take, we have left the pot of juice to load until the end.  This is when I have the great idea of just setting the pot on my center console for transport, that way we can hold it and keep an eye on it, right?  I start the truck and we start our epic journey to the reception hall.  As I start to pull up out of the drive way in the corner of my eye I see this old woman walking up the driveway towards us so I wait for her to cross, that way we don’t have to stop.  As this is going on my crazy since or humor kicks in and I start to make comments about his old woman jokingly.  I am saying, in my best wetback Mexican voice, " Aye my pinche son have me walking up the stairs, Cavrone he doesn’t have my eye he doesn’t see what I see.....and so on and so on" I am doing this to the laughter and amusement of Monkey Butt so of course I play it up big.  Once the woman passed I start to move, the drive way is fairly steep and I have to stop to merge onto the street.  And that is when I feel it.........I feel this HOT liquid magma of brisket juice splash onto my arm and leg.  Let me tell you there are a few times in one’s life where you know that God is there watching everything you do.  This happens when you have a near death experience, or when you are down on your luck and you pray for a break and suddenly you find $50 on the road, and it also happens when you make fun of old ladies, God is there to get back at you on their behalf.  I say this because there are me and Monkey Butt screaming bloody murder as the lava of brisket juice splashes on us and scalds us from here to kingdom come.  So after we get over the pain we laugh about it and continue on with our journey, but do we move the juice, HELL NO WE DIDN'T  it wasn't until we burned ourselves 4 more times that we then made the educated choice to move this vessel of torture to the floorboard. Needless to say I am again reminded that I am not as smart as I think that I am.  Be that as it may the food made it to the hall in one piece, which is more than I can say for me and Monkey Butt.

Now I have a confession, I have failed on my 30 day challenge but not because I was weak, but because I was not paying attention, let me explain.  As all of the wedding stuff was going on and believe me there was more than the brisket juice situation that I dealt with, I had a moment of stupidity.  I went to get some food, drove up to the place I lovingly call Fat Kid Haven, or as you all know it as McDonalds, I order as always and get my food and I am down the road in less than 45 seconds.  Now while I am doing this I was also on a beer run, I had to get someone a cell phone charger, and I was hungry all at the same time.  Finally I get to where I can get I rip into the three double cheese burgers that I had ordered and I do.  I am munching on my fries in true fat kid fashion when it happens.......I grab that large coke and I take the best sip of Dr. Pepper that I have ever had and let me tell you,  I was in heaven.  I continued on in my land of MSG bliss until someone had to ruin my fun by saying, "So I guess you've stopped your challenge?"  There I was busted and angry, I was caught ingesting sugar willingly.  I was angry , but not angry at myself for failing,  but angry for this vile demon that ripped me from my happy place to tell me that I had failed my challenge.  Now I can't enjoy my meal at all.  All I can think about is how much I want to slap this person in the face. How dare you come between a fat kid and his food? Do you not know that in some situations that may lead to your quick and painful death?  That is when I saw it in her eyes, was she scared of death? No she wasn’t she was like a Jedi of mind f&*^ing.  Not only were her tactics lethal, but she hit me on a mental level that I was totally unprepared for.  I was beaten but not defeated I finished my cheese burgers and fries because I know that there are starving children all over the world and I just couldn't go on knowing that this food would be wasted........ actually that's all bulls*%!, I was hungry so I ate the food and went on with my day. I do however plan on how I was going to get back at her, I devised the greatest mind f&*k I could think of, but instead I went home and fell asleep.  I do issue this warning to the Mind Ninja, we will meet again and next time I will be ready, will you??  

So yes folks I failed but not completely my heart is still in this, so as before I am beaten but not defeated.  I will continue to do this challenge and I will make it a few more days.  

Frustration continues

So Kansas has out done herself again, because she has chosen to trust the sperm donor of her still gestating baby. Now my kids do not have living room furniture and my daughter does not have a bed.  She chose to trust him that he would be able to hire competent and trust worthy people to move her things out of storage.  Of course in loser fashion he hired people that "do this for a living" and they flaked out.  I’m sure that the idea of moving furniture was trumped by the idea of getting high or drunk, and this is the person that she trusts her life and heath to.  I myself drove 3 and a half hour in the snow to get to her town so that I could help move things.  I took time off of work and out of my life to help her for what????? So she can consistently say that I don’t do anything for her or my kids.  Also she feels that she doesn’t have to even give what I have to say about the kids the benefit of her thought.  In turn this tool can tell her that he invented the internet and she would walk around thinking he is a god amongst men.

Now let me make this clear I have no issues with her dating or finding someone else.  I applaud her finding someone, but is it a crime that I ask her to find a quality individual??  I would like her to find someone that is more interested in making her life better and caring about my kids at the same time, not someone that will tell her whatever she wants to hear to get her in bed and then not have the courtesy to pull out and not continue to breed more half bald over weight Mexican Charlie Browns.

What makes the situation worse is that she doesn't care to see that the things that she does effects my kids. I am the first one to say that I have not been then best dad for my kids, and yes there have been times where I have put my selfish desires before them but I am not perfect.  I walk through life and when I see the things that I am doing and notice that I am not walking a good path I think to myself, don't worry he is not done with you yet, and I use that to help guide me.  Now I am not a very spiritual person but I know that when you do things with good intentions and with others in mind it cant be all bad.  I just hope that she will soon learn that her actions have everlasting effects, not just here and now but for forever and that my kids lives are being shaped due her actions as well. 

On a more positive note me and baby girl had a great night out tonight at dinner.  It was one that was long over due.  There was great company and good food.  I have to say that I have been waiting for a night like tonight to happen for a while.  I hope that with all of the things that are going on that we can take a night like tonight and build off of it, use it as a reference of how things can be in the future if things keep going well.  I look to the future with optimism and a slight bit of reprehension. I am sure that things will be great......

As for the challenge I am doing well and hanging in there.  Yes I have my hiccups but I soon rebound quickly.  Its easier now I don't find myself wanting sweets as much, but I do miss certain things.  I wish I would have weighed myself before all of this to see if I were to lose weight in all of this.  Oh well who knows.  

Long Day....I wonder if it was all worth it.

So today was a rought one all around.  First I didnt get to sleep at all last night and then I had  to help Kansas move into her new place.  I dont know how I feel about that.  In a sence I am happy but on the other hand I am worried.  Its not like she is having to do this on her own actions.  She is having to rip my kids from a comfortable home because of a choice that she has made.  My kids are in the cross fire becuase of the things she has done.  I am not happy about any of this.  I try to remain optimistic but my worries outweight my logic I dont know what to do.

As far as the challenge its been tough espicially today.  I had little sleep but I staied away from energy drinks and things like that.  Its hard to break habbits buts even more hard to not have the comfort food that I am use to becuase of this.  With all of the things that have been going on I wish I could sit down to some comfort food but that is what this is all about, testing my limits and my drive.  It is tough but I know that I can push though this.

What do I do with myself when so many things are going wrong and right and uncertain.  I want to cry but how can I when I am so blessed. I have people who love me, but I am so scarde that people will hurt me I cant confide in them my fears.  All of you that read this family and non family are a comfort to me.  I dont write for sympathy I write as an outlet.  Thank you for reading

Im back sorry for letting you down.

Well lets just say that things have been a little crazy for me the last few days. I have had relationship issues,work issues, my grandmother was hospitalized, and so much more.  As far as the relationship status I feel the winds of change I hope for the good but we will see major things need to happen to keep everyone happy. I really have had a turbulent mind the last few hours. My grandmother is in the hospital for the third time in the last two weeks, its sad but the thought of losing her is in my mind and all i can think of is how i don't know her. I don't know about her life or any of her experiences.  What were her ambitions or what has her best day in her life.  I don't even know my other grandparents.  Why my parents never taught us Spanish is beyond me.  They really handicapped me and my sisters. It sucks when people come up to me and talk Spanish thinking that I can understand them, and all I can do is stare.  Last night I stood over my grandmother as the first of her family to make it to her side at the ER and i couldn't even talk to her. I couldn't understand her soft exhausted whispers. I felt helpless, I always try to comfort and be there for everyone i know and i fought reassure her that everything was going to be okay. I will say this, a piece of my heart was left in exam room 6 in the Plainview ER last night.

On a lighter note the 30day challenge is going......well lets just say that it is going.  I don't know whats worse. Other people stopping me from eating sugar or stopping myself.  I hope that next weeks challenge wont be like this one.......but on the other hand I hope that is is.  I want this to be hard and challenging. 

From now on I promise that I will not neglect this blog again. 

Sorry I didn't update yesterday

All I can say is that it was a sad day for me. I don't really care to elaborate more than that. Things will be different now.

Nuff Said

Correction to this months poll!!!!

First off all of you that have viewed my blog today thank you.  Its only 10:45 am and I have already received 23 views for the day.  To me that is amazing and it shows that I do have all of your support.  Thank you again.

Now for the POLL its is suppose to read:  Read the ENTIRE Bible in 30 days not just read it.  That isn't much of an accomplishment at all if I just read it and don't finish.  So if that is the challenge that wins I will read the WHOLE bible old and new in 30 days.

Day two update!!!!!  So that I don't drink any caffeine I found myself drinking a lot of water to curb the urge.....yeah I woke up like 6 times last night to pee.   This is going to take a toll on my sleep as well.  I hope tonight goes better.