Sunday, February 19, 2012

The day I realized God is watching.

SO this weekend has been filled with its share of smiles and aggravations.  We will start with the bad then end with the good.  So the loser that my kid’s mom is pregnant by has shown his true colors AGAIN.   Charlie Brown was supposed to get some people to help Kansas move into a new home.  These are some people that are "professionals" and do this type of thing for a living.  Now this was supposed to happen on Wednesday morning, but didn’t happen due to one of the workers getting sick.  Now here it is Sunday and Kansas has to get people from her job to help her move and Charlie Brown supposedly helped.  Now if there was suppose to be two people to get her moved in the first place then why did Charlie Brown take the place of the sick one and get the other to help.  To me this would have solved two issues, one Kansas would not have had to pay someone from her job to help, and second she would have had her things moved earlier.  This right there shows ME how full of shit he is.  If he had already had someone PAID do to a job but they flaked for one reason or the next why did she have to pay someone else to do the job, or at the least why did she have to worry about getting someone to help at all.  I fell that he should have had someone get the job done himself and she shouldn’t have had to worry about a thing.  Well once again, a loser will always be a loser.  

Now for the good things, I had someone close to me get married this weekend.  It was fun and crazy at the same time.   I am one of those people that will always be there for anyone that needs my help, and this weekend that attribute was put to the test.   I had to sacrifice many things this weekend for this wedding including my health, (ill explain later), my truck, my relationship, and some cloths, but in the end I would do it all over again because that is the type of person that I am.  Also, because all the smiles, laughter, and tears that were shed this weekend were totally worth any disposition that I might have felt.  Truthfully I was happy to do it all, and I would do it again and again, with less pain next time.  

So as promised here is the story on how my health was placed at risk.  I was asked to help take some food to the reception hall  for the wedding.  Sounds like a simple task right, NOT FOR ME.  I swear if my life was simple and not filled with.......spice, I would have to kill myself.  Let me help paint the picture for you.  I go to meet Monkey Butt at the house where the food was cooked.  I walk up and start talking to Monkey Butt and get the 411 on what food needs to go and things like that.  I find out that I need to cut some of the brisket that is going to be served at the reception, and also I will need to take it to the hall.  So there I am with my knives and I am cutting brisket with no problem.  Next me and Monkey Butt load everything into the pans for transport when we have a revelation, we need to take the juice that the brisket was cooked in so that we can make sure that it is not too dry for the wedding guest.  So we devise a plan, we will put the juice into the deepest pot we can find and take it that way. Fast forward and now we have loaded all the food that we need to take, we have left the pot of juice to load until the end.  This is when I have the great idea of just setting the pot on my center console for transport, that way we can hold it and keep an eye on it, right?  I start the truck and we start our epic journey to the reception hall.  As I start to pull up out of the drive way in the corner of my eye I see this old woman walking up the driveway towards us so I wait for her to cross, that way we don’t have to stop.  As this is going on my crazy since or humor kicks in and I start to make comments about his old woman jokingly.  I am saying, in my best wetback Mexican voice, " Aye my pinche son have me walking up the stairs, Cavrone he doesn’t have my eye he doesn’t see what I see.....and so on and so on" I am doing this to the laughter and amusement of Monkey Butt so of course I play it up big.  Once the woman passed I start to move, the drive way is fairly steep and I have to stop to merge onto the street.  And that is when I feel it.........I feel this HOT liquid magma of brisket juice splash onto my arm and leg.  Let me tell you there are a few times in one’s life where you know that God is there watching everything you do.  This happens when you have a near death experience, or when you are down on your luck and you pray for a break and suddenly you find $50 on the road, and it also happens when you make fun of old ladies, God is there to get back at you on their behalf.  I say this because there are me and Monkey Butt screaming bloody murder as the lava of brisket juice splashes on us and scalds us from here to kingdom come.  So after we get over the pain we laugh about it and continue on with our journey, but do we move the juice, HELL NO WE DIDN'T  it wasn't until we burned ourselves 4 more times that we then made the educated choice to move this vessel of torture to the floorboard. Needless to say I am again reminded that I am not as smart as I think that I am.  Be that as it may the food made it to the hall in one piece, which is more than I can say for me and Monkey Butt.

Now I have a confession, I have failed on my 30 day challenge but not because I was weak, but because I was not paying attention, let me explain.  As all of the wedding stuff was going on and believe me there was more than the brisket juice situation that I dealt with, I had a moment of stupidity.  I went to get some food, drove up to the place I lovingly call Fat Kid Haven, or as you all know it as McDonalds, I order as always and get my food and I am down the road in less than 45 seconds.  Now while I am doing this I was also on a beer run, I had to get someone a cell phone charger, and I was hungry all at the same time.  Finally I get to where I can get I rip into the three double cheese burgers that I had ordered and I do.  I am munching on my fries in true fat kid fashion when it happens.......I grab that large coke and I take the best sip of Dr. Pepper that I have ever had and let me tell you,  I was in heaven.  I continued on in my land of MSG bliss until someone had to ruin my fun by saying, "So I guess you've stopped your challenge?"  There I was busted and angry, I was caught ingesting sugar willingly.  I was angry , but not angry at myself for failing,  but angry for this vile demon that ripped me from my happy place to tell me that I had failed my challenge.  Now I can't enjoy my meal at all.  All I can think about is how much I want to slap this person in the face. How dare you come between a fat kid and his food? Do you not know that in some situations that may lead to your quick and painful death?  That is when I saw it in her eyes, was she scared of death? No she wasn’t she was like a Jedi of mind f&*^ing.  Not only were her tactics lethal, but she hit me on a mental level that I was totally unprepared for.  I was beaten but not defeated I finished my cheese burgers and fries because I know that there are starving children all over the world and I just couldn't go on knowing that this food would be wasted........ actually that's all bulls*%!, I was hungry so I ate the food and went on with my day. I do however plan on how I was going to get back at her, I devised the greatest mind f&*k I could think of, but instead I went home and fell asleep.  I do issue this warning to the Mind Ninja, we will meet again and next time I will be ready, will you??  

So yes folks I failed but not completely my heart is still in this, so as before I am beaten but not defeated.  I will continue to do this challenge and I will make it a few more days.  


  1. As the old cliche goes, "If at first you don't succeed, try again."

  2. My haters are my motivators, as me and Ellen say. I just keep on keepin' on.