The day I realized God is watching.

SO this weekend has been filled with its share of smiles and aggravations.  We will start with the bad then end with the good.  So the loser that my kid’s mom is pregnant by has shown his true colors AGAIN.   Charlie Brown was supposed to get some people to help Kansas move into a new home.  These are some people that are "professionals" and do this type of thing for a living.  Now this was supposed to happen on Wednesday morning, but didn’t happen due to one of the workers getting sick.  Now here it is Sunday and Kansas has to get people from her job to help her move and Charlie Brown supposedly helped.  Now if there was suppose to be two people to get her moved in the first place then why did Charlie Brown take the place of the sick one and get the other to help.  To me this would have solved two issues, one Kansas would not have had to pay someone from her job to help, and second she would have had her things moved earlier.  This right there shows ME how full of shit he is.  If he had already had someone PAID do to a job but they flaked for one reason or the next why did she have to pay someone else to do the job, or at the least why did she have to worry about getting someone to help at all.  I fell that he should have had someone get the job done himself and she shouldn’t have had to worry about a thing.  Well once again, a loser will always be a loser.  

Now for the good things, I had someone close to me get married this weekend.  It was fun and crazy at the same time.   I am one of those people that will always be there for anyone that needs my help, and this weekend that attribute was put to the test.   I had to sacrifice many things this weekend for this wedding including my health, (ill explain later), my truck, my relationship, and some cloths, but in the end I would do it all over again because that is the type of person that I am.  Also, because all the smiles, laughter, and tears that were shed this weekend were totally worth any disposition that I might have felt.  Truthfully I was happy to do it all, and I would do it again and again, with less pain next time.  

So as promised here is the story on how my health was placed at risk.  I was asked to help take some food to the reception hall  for the wedding.  Sounds like a simple task right, NOT FOR ME.  I swear if my life was simple and not filled with.......spice, I would have to kill myself.  Let me help paint the picture for you.  I go to meet Monkey Butt at the house where the food was cooked.  I walk up and start talking to Monkey Butt and get the 411 on what food needs to go and things like that.  I find out that I need to cut some of the brisket that is going to be served at the reception, and also I will need to take it to the hall.  So there I am with my knives and I am cutting brisket with no problem.  Next me and Monkey Butt load everything into the pans for transport when we have a revelation, we need to take the juice that the brisket was cooked in so that we can make sure that it is not too dry for the wedding guest.  So we devise a plan, we will put the juice into the deepest pot we can find and take it that way. Fast forward and now we have loaded all the food that we need to take, we have left the pot of juice to load until the end.  This is when I have the great idea of just setting the pot on my center console for transport, that way we can hold it and keep an eye on it, right?  I start the truck and we start our epic journey to the reception hall.  As I start to pull up out of the drive way in the corner of my eye I see this old woman walking up the driveway towards us so I wait for her to cross, that way we don’t have to stop.  As this is going on my crazy since or humor kicks in and I start to make comments about his old woman jokingly.  I am saying, in my best wetback Mexican voice, " Aye my pinche son have me walking up the stairs, Cavrone he doesn’t have my eye he doesn’t see what I see.....and so on and so on" I am doing this to the laughter and amusement of Monkey Butt so of course I play it up big.  Once the woman passed I start to move, the drive way is fairly steep and I have to stop to merge onto the street.  And that is when I feel it.........I feel this HOT liquid magma of brisket juice splash onto my arm and leg.  Let me tell you there are a few times in one’s life where you know that God is there watching everything you do.  This happens when you have a near death experience, or when you are down on your luck and you pray for a break and suddenly you find $50 on the road, and it also happens when you make fun of old ladies, God is there to get back at you on their behalf.  I say this because there are me and Monkey Butt screaming bloody murder as the lava of brisket juice splashes on us and scalds us from here to kingdom come.  So after we get over the pain we laugh about it and continue on with our journey, but do we move the juice, HELL NO WE DIDN'T  it wasn't until we burned ourselves 4 more times that we then made the educated choice to move this vessel of torture to the floorboard. Needless to say I am again reminded that I am not as smart as I think that I am.  Be that as it may the food made it to the hall in one piece, which is more than I can say for me and Monkey Butt.

Now I have a confession, I have failed on my 30 day challenge but not because I was weak, but because I was not paying attention, let me explain.  As all of the wedding stuff was going on and believe me there was more than the brisket juice situation that I dealt with, I had a moment of stupidity.  I went to get some food, drove up to the place I lovingly call Fat Kid Haven, or as you all know it as McDonalds, I order as always and get my food and I am down the road in less than 45 seconds.  Now while I am doing this I was also on a beer run, I had to get someone a cell phone charger, and I was hungry all at the same time.  Finally I get to where I can get I rip into the three double cheese burgers that I had ordered and I do.  I am munching on my fries in true fat kid fashion when it happens.......I grab that large coke and I take the best sip of Dr. Pepper that I have ever had and let me tell you,  I was in heaven.  I continued on in my land of MSG bliss until someone had to ruin my fun by saying, "So I guess you've stopped your challenge?"  There I was busted and angry, I was caught ingesting sugar willingly.  I was angry , but not angry at myself for failing,  but angry for this vile demon that ripped me from my happy place to tell me that I had failed my challenge.  Now I can't enjoy my meal at all.  All I can think about is how much I want to slap this person in the face. How dare you come between a fat kid and his food? Do you not know that in some situations that may lead to your quick and painful death?  That is when I saw it in her eyes, was she scared of death? No she wasn’t she was like a Jedi of mind f&*^ing.  Not only were her tactics lethal, but she hit me on a mental level that I was totally unprepared for.  I was beaten but not defeated I finished my cheese burgers and fries because I know that there are starving children all over the world and I just couldn't go on knowing that this food would be wasted........ actually that's all bulls*%!, I was hungry so I ate the food and went on with my day. I do however plan on how I was going to get back at her, I devised the greatest mind f&*k I could think of, but instead I went home and fell asleep.  I do issue this warning to the Mind Ninja, we will meet again and next time I will be ready, will you??  

So yes folks I failed but not completely my heart is still in this, so as before I am beaten but not defeated.  I will continue to do this challenge and I will make it a few more days.  

Frustration continues

So Kansas has out done herself again, because she has chosen to trust the sperm donor of her still gestating baby. Now my kids do not have living room furniture and my daughter does not have a bed.  She chose to trust him that he would be able to hire competent and trust worthy people to move her things out of storage.  Of course in loser fashion he hired people that "do this for a living" and they flaked out.  I’m sure that the idea of moving furniture was trumped by the idea of getting high or drunk, and this is the person that she trusts her life and heath to.  I myself drove 3 and a half hour in the snow to get to her town so that I could help move things.  I took time off of work and out of my life to help her for what????? So she can consistently say that I don’t do anything for her or my kids.  Also she feels that she doesn’t have to even give what I have to say about the kids the benefit of her thought.  In turn this tool can tell her that he invented the internet and she would walk around thinking he is a god amongst men.

Now let me make this clear I have no issues with her dating or finding someone else.  I applaud her finding someone, but is it a crime that I ask her to find a quality individual??  I would like her to find someone that is more interested in making her life better and caring about my kids at the same time, not someone that will tell her whatever she wants to hear to get her in bed and then not have the courtesy to pull out and not continue to breed more half bald over weight Mexican Charlie Browns.

What makes the situation worse is that she doesn't care to see that the things that she does effects my kids. I am the first one to say that I have not been then best dad for my kids, and yes there have been times where I have put my selfish desires before them but I am not perfect.  I walk through life and when I see the things that I am doing and notice that I am not walking a good path I think to myself, don't worry he is not done with you yet, and I use that to help guide me.  Now I am not a very spiritual person but I know that when you do things with good intentions and with others in mind it cant be all bad.  I just hope that she will soon learn that her actions have everlasting effects, not just here and now but for forever and that my kids lives are being shaped due her actions as well. 

On a more positive note me and baby girl had a great night out tonight at dinner.  It was one that was long over due.  There was great company and good food.  I have to say that I have been waiting for a night like tonight to happen for a while.  I hope that with all of the things that are going on that we can take a night like tonight and build off of it, use it as a reference of how things can be in the future if things keep going well.  I look to the future with optimism and a slight bit of reprehension. I am sure that things will be great......

As for the challenge I am doing well and hanging in there.  Yes I have my hiccups but I soon rebound quickly.  Its easier now I don't find myself wanting sweets as much, but I do miss certain things.  I wish I would have weighed myself before all of this to see if I were to lose weight in all of this.  Oh well who knows.  

Long Day....I wonder if it was all worth it.

So today was a rought one all around.  First I didnt get to sleep at all last night and then I had  to help Kansas move into her new place.  I dont know how I feel about that.  In a sence I am happy but on the other hand I am worried.  Its not like she is having to do this on her own actions.  She is having to rip my kids from a comfortable home because of a choice that she has made.  My kids are in the cross fire becuase of the things she has done.  I am not happy about any of this.  I try to remain optimistic but my worries outweight my logic I dont know what to do.

As far as the challenge its been tough espicially today.  I had little sleep but I staied away from energy drinks and things like that.  Its hard to break habbits buts even more hard to not have the comfort food that I am use to becuase of this.  With all of the things that have been going on I wish I could sit down to some comfort food but that is what this is all about, testing my limits and my drive.  It is tough but I know that I can push though this.

What do I do with myself when so many things are going wrong and right and uncertain.  I want to cry but how can I when I am so blessed. I have people who love me, but I am so scarde that people will hurt me I cant confide in them my fears.  All of you that read this family and non family are a comfort to me.  I dont write for sympathy I write as an outlet.  Thank you for reading

Im back sorry for letting you down.

Well lets just say that things have been a little crazy for me the last few days. I have had relationship issues,work issues, my grandmother was hospitalized, and so much more.  As far as the relationship status I feel the winds of change I hope for the good but we will see major things need to happen to keep everyone happy. I really have had a turbulent mind the last few hours. My grandmother is in the hospital for the third time in the last two weeks, its sad but the thought of losing her is in my mind and all i can think of is how i don't know her. I don't know about her life or any of her experiences.  What were her ambitions or what has her best day in her life.  I don't even know my other grandparents.  Why my parents never taught us Spanish is beyond me.  They really handicapped me and my sisters. It sucks when people come up to me and talk Spanish thinking that I can understand them, and all I can do is stare.  Last night I stood over my grandmother as the first of her family to make it to her side at the ER and i couldn't even talk to her. I couldn't understand her soft exhausted whispers. I felt helpless, I always try to comfort and be there for everyone i know and i fought reassure her that everything was going to be okay. I will say this, a piece of my heart was left in exam room 6 in the Plainview ER last night.

On a lighter note the 30day challenge is going......well lets just say that it is going.  I don't know whats worse. Other people stopping me from eating sugar or stopping myself.  I hope that next weeks challenge wont be like this one.......but on the other hand I hope that is is.  I want this to be hard and challenging. 

From now on I promise that I will not neglect this blog again. 

Sorry I didn't update yesterday

All I can say is that it was a sad day for me. I don't really care to elaborate more than that. Things will be different now.

Nuff Said

Correction to this months poll!!!!

First off all of you that have viewed my blog today thank you.  Its only 10:45 am and I have already received 23 views for the day.  To me that is amazing and it shows that I do have all of your support.  Thank you again.

Now for the POLL its is suppose to read:  Read the ENTIRE Bible in 30 days not just read it.  That isn't much of an accomplishment at all if I just read it and don't finish.  So if that is the challenge that wins I will read the WHOLE bible old and new in 30 days.

Day two update!!!!!  So that I don't drink any caffeine I found myself drinking a lot of water to curb the urge.....yeah I woke up like 6 times last night to pee.   This is going to take a toll on my sleep as well.  I hope tonight goes better.

Day one Down!!!

So for those of you who don't know I have to do 30 days without taking in anything that has sugar or caffeine.  Now to some of you this might seem like a walk in the park, but not for this fat kid. I am the kind of person that starts my day off with a HUGE Low Carb Monster energy drink, then through out my day I am drinking Cherry Coke and loving life.  Now also I love to end my day with a good bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch or some cookies or something that Baby girl has made for me.  SO as you can see this is not going to be a walk in the park.  Do you know how many items have sugar or caffeine?? TONS trust me.  Also according to Baby Girl I have failed already.  I have failed because i got some "sugar" today when I kissed her!!!

I can tell already that this is going to hit me hard.  I just didn't feel like myself today. my "normal" wise cracking smart a$$ self was replaced by someone that just stared into no where in blank thought for no reason.  I caught myself doing this from time to time today and I was wondering if people thought that I was day dreaming or if I had Down syndrome. They might think that even more if they knew that all I was thinking of was......I want a cookie.  Its crazy I know I love cookies and now I have to drive around town and all I can see is girl scouts trying to temp me.

NO GET AWAY YOU 9 YR OLD SILVER TONGUED TEMPTRESS.   WHY MUST YOU HAUNT EVERY CORNER IN TOWN.  Not only that but my job requires me to walk into United Supermarkets ALL DAY, and where do these little Judases stand????  IN FRONT OF UNITED!!!!!  This is killing me they are sitting there with the Samoa cookies looking like little chocolate covered pieces of sunshine and there is nothing that I can do about it.  When this is all over on the 31 day I am going to turn into the cookie monster running around eating everyone's cookies singing
""C" is for Cookie that's good enough for me."
"Cookie Cookie Cookie starts with "C" "
Nom Nom Nom Nom on my cookies. MMMM Cookies,
Cookies its whats for Dinner!!

Do you all see what this is doing to me already???  I can do this...its just going to be a long month.  Ill just have to keep checking myself to see if I am turning blue!!

What a cold cold night.

Little side note.  I think I may be adopted.  Here is why I say that, I spent the nights at my parents house on the couch .  in the middle of the night I wake up and I am expecting to see some ghost walk by and try to tell me something profound.  I am sure that you are asking yourself why, ill tell you.  Its because it was SO COLD in my parents house I could see my breath.   So there I am like the kid on Sixth Sense knotted up in a ball on the floor with my fleece blanket watching my breath thinking, "I see brown people."  Whats the deal I am MEXICAN we are a tropical people anything under 85 is freezing.  So I walk though the house to find everyone with covers knocked off the bed doing the spread eagle.  I don't get it there I am inches away from freezing to death and they are ALL HOT. 


Very cold I I wish I was in Baby Girls arms right now!!!!!

Slow start I hope that this is not a sign of things to come.

So today marks day one of my blog.  I didn't expect to get much traffic today but I see that my page got 15 views.  So I must say I was a little surprised to see that many and to those who looked THANK YOU.

I am a little nervous about the poll on the 30 Day Challenge.  I peeked at the results so far and I see that two of the ones that I DIDN'T want to do are in the lead. 

You may be wondering how I chose the challenges.  What I did was I went to a few websites about this 30 day challenge and I took some of the list that were made and compiled a list that I printed off.  After that I drew four items and I listed them.  So it is for the most part random. 

I did however talk to my parents about the challenges and they gave me there impute.  One of my parents we will call Slots didn't think that I would take this serious and cheat on the challenges.  I assure you that I am doing this to better myself and to find out something about myself.  I promise all of you that are reading this that I will be as honest as I can in following through with all of this.  I have a feeling that my other parent Bingo thinks this is a game to me.  I think Bingo thinks that I am doing this as a hobby or to get attention.  I don't think they realize I am not doing this for attention I am doing this as an act of discovery and for fun really.

Baby girl (my other half) seems to be in this with me although we haven't talked much about it I can tell she is going to back me up.  I wonder what she thinks about why I am doing this. I wonder if she will be able to handle the changes that are bound to happen when something like this is taken on.  Time will only tell.

I have to share something personal with all of you.  Today Bam Bam (my son) said something that was so funny.  I came home and he wanted to ride in the truck bed while I drove him around the block but I told him that I couldn't because there was dog poop in the back (don't ask).  He was not happy with that response so I told him that I would clean it so he could take a ride.  As I was doing this with Bam Bam watching Ballerina (my daughter) comes around the corner to find Bam Bam telling her
"Hey whoh whoh whoh you cant come over here this is mans work going on here!"  I thought is was funny.

Note to self cleaning dog poop is Mans work in my sons eyes......I wonder whats woman's work, and where in the hell did he get that????

My first 30 Day Challenge. My fate rest on your hands.

Okay family and friends here is the moment of truth for Feb.  You get to chose my 30 day challenge for February.

What is a 30 day challenge you ask??

It is a challenge that YOU GET TO CHOOSE and I must do it for a full 30 days no matter what.  The challenges are things that are meant to push me and also improve me in some way.  I will blog about them every day and let you know how things are effecting me and how I feel about them.  The best thing is you get to choose.  If you look on the side of this blog you will see a list of challenges for me to accomplish and you get to vote to see what it is that I will have to do.

I really do want to see everyone participating in the votes as well as posting comments about what you think that I should do next!!!

FAMILY LISTEN UP.  For the sake of keeping things harmonious in the family please post anonymous or with a pseudonym (fake name) so that we do not know who you are. That way we can make sure that no one get hurt.

Please help me with this I am really wanting this to work.

On your mark. Get set.........GO!!!

I've sat here at my desk staring at the monitor trying to think of something clever to say for the last five minutes.  Nothing comes to mind so I am going to say what's in my heart and mind.  They say that you don't know someone until you have walked a mile in there shoes.  Well this is your chance to walk with me as I take the next few months to find something I have been looking for.  Here is the catch.....I don't know what it is that I am looking for.

Do you ever get the feeling that there is something more inside you that no one can see. Maybe there is a secret world that you have created in your mind that is more real to you than your day to day grind.  That's what I am here to find out. Is there more to me than meets the eye or have I yet to realize that I am what I am and there is nothing else to give the world.

For those of you who may read this and don't know me here are a few of my stats:
I am a father to some amazing kids. I don't say that because I am bias I say that because daily I get surprised at what these kids can do.  I forget to easily that as a child everyday is filed with 1st times and new experiences.
I am not a scholastic man, I don't have anything amazing about me. I am just a normal man of 28 that wants to see the world in a different light. 
I have a High School education, a mid level career, and i'm married.

For those of you who do know me I issue this one warning.  This is an outlet for me a place where I can say whats on my mind and do that without fear of reaction.  I know that some of the things that I say here are going to hurt and offend some of you.  I am not doing this so that I can bash or put anyone down.  I want this to be a tool for you all to see who I am without having to look threw the haze of my bullshit or lies.

I love you all.